My son and his homework.
Sigh.
Monday through Wednesday I can expect to lose my sweet mild-mannered six year old, to a wailing, uncooperative demon child who refuses to hold a pencil properly and routinely falls out of his chair to flail, full-blown-tantrum style, on the floor.
The culprit, the source of his ire – the dreaded spelling word assignments, otherwise known as “why-is-my-teacher-doing-this-to-me-she’s-sooooo-mean”.
The work itself is simple as is the vocabulary, words like “clothe” and “mole” and “snowman”. Nothing terribly complex, it is first grade after all.
Monday the words are written five times each and ordered alphabetically. Tuesday are definitions. Wednesday sentences.
Easy as pie, right?
Yet, I’m fairly certain there’s a reason these tasks get assigned as homework and not classwork. It’s tedious, it’s repetitive, and getting a room full of 25 fidgety monkeys who are still getting the hang of forming readable letters, I’m sure, can be quite taxing. Especially when you have 500 other things you have to squeeze in to the agenda before the day is through.
So the parents are charged with the spelling words.
Some nights as I try to keep him focused, what I really want is to pound my forehead against the dining room table. Other nights I actually do.
Eventually patience fails me, at which point logic gets flattened with a mallet and fed to the dogs while I pull strategies out of my rear end to try and get him to finishjustfinish his work puhleez.
Okay, “please” is one of the first things to go. He gets unreasonable and soon thereafter I follow suit.
Some days I threaten to take his video game privileges, other days I cancel his Boy Scout meetings, still others I lose my mind, snatch his homework and write fake notes to his teacher explaining why my son won’t have completed assignments to turn in.
I have also, on occasion, told him they’re going to send him back to kindergarten if he doesn’t get his act together.
Which of course prompts another wave of crying and arguing and flailing.
Which incites the older girls, who are staring off in to space working diligently on their own assignments, to pipe up with demands to “be quiet”, “shut-up”, and the one that really gets the ball rolling “stop being a baby!”
Almost-seven-year-olds do not take kindly to being called babies.
Which of course prompts yet another bout of wailing.
Ever have your mommy fails?
Ack. Boys and tedious homework do not go well, coupled with the fact that boys’ fine motor skills are behind their large motor skills. My 17 year old son was hell through all of this in elementary school.
We asked if he could type them on the computer… he liked it better, he liked looking up the definitions on the online dictionary, and then copying and pasting the definitions. This fix does not help with developing their fine motor skills nor penmanship, but it keeps moms from overdosing on Valium.
Uggh. Good luck to you. I would never have believed it if someone had told me 20 years ago that homework is so much worse as a parent.
Little boys and schoolwork such as this is nothing short of a nightmare; both of my boys loathed it. I had to stand over both of them with a whip and a chair.
Both of them have atrocious penmanship, as well. Coincidence?
We have homework woes around our house as well, but the work doesn’t sound as tedious as yours does. Still the dawdling to get it done can sometimes make me sound like a broken record. Finish your homework over and over. Drives me crazy. I have no ides on how to make it better either.
I couldn’t get my son to sit down for more than five seconds. He was also seemingly incapable of talking to me unless he walked in circles at the same time. Since he’s a mumbler, the second he turned the other direction in the circle, I couldn’t hear him and it was just a cycle of madness.
I bid you peace. And lots of it.
Thank you for posting this!!! now I know I’m not the only mother threatening whatever to get my children to DO! the work. As for spelling? one trick I learned was ‘let’s pretend to have a test” and you call out the words in alphabetical order for them, they write them down and BAM! you’ve got 1 list of the words done.
Then you say ok that was good, now without looking at the correct spellings (while leaving them right there infront of them) see if mom can remember the words in order, and you write them… seems verything is a trick. OK now you ask me? and that’s another list! 
or “you spellit I’ll write it”
that only gets us 3 times each though.
we only had to do sentences with3 of the spelling words and that wasn’t until grade 3. at 6? we were still working on flash cards. I’m startinng to think those studies on no homework are definitely a good idea.
At some point, I would give up and let him accept the consequences. He’s not the first kid who didn’t like his homework. Let him run into trouble with the teacher. Let him fail spelling one week.
Perhaps his attitude will change.
(As an aside, I have noticed with mine that the ones who whine the most vigorously about rote written work are the ones with dysgraphia. Worth checking out–because then you and the teach can come up with alternative strategies and you won’t have to go through this agony every day.)
This is going to be my son in 1st grade. I just know it. I’ve been trying to work with him recently on things and he does not cooperate what so ever. He says “I don’t know.” When I know he knows!
Maybe I missed something, but why does your son only have homework Mon-Wed.?
Growing up, I was *such* a dork… I loved doing homework. But DH hated it, loathed it, despised it. Now, we argue over which one of us our daughter will take after. In this case, we’re both hoping its me!
Good luck with your son!
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
Have you been secretly watching me at homework time?? Because it really sounds like it. Although I usually use the “You’re going to be in 2nd grade again.” on the days he stays home because he misses soooooo much school. J-Man hates, hates, hates to write anything at all and he really doesn’t care what happens if he doesn’t do the work.
This post would be HILARIOUS if it weren’t a perfect description of what goes on here every week.
I hope it gets better. Maybe if he could do some and take a break or jump up a down to move every few words. Stopping by from SITS!
My current Mommy fail is that I’m not Daddy. I have yet to conjure a comeback for that.
I do believe that I told my two year old to “Just grow up” the other night as he flung himself on the couch in a desperate attempt for attention. His latest trick is to wait unti the baby is almost asleep and then toddle over and say”Is O-ie seeping?” in his loudest voice. He doesn’t realize that the longer O is awake, the longer he waits for attention.
My neice had similar homework problems. My SIL does what Daniel4′s mom suggested. Between each activity my neice gets up to do some sort of exercise. If she has 5 words, she does 5 jumping jacks. It’s been working for this school year, from what I hear.
So you mean to tell me that it only gets worse?? My 5-yr olds get homework every night in kindergarten and I swear the teacher does it only to annoy the parents because let’s face it, the kids need help every 2 seconds or crying because they’re frustrated. Oh and she sends home these things she calls book logs where we’re supposed to write down the name of the books that we read every night. That’s homework for the parents, not the kids. As if I read to my kids every night? You know she either has only ONE kid herself or NO kids.
O…M…G! For the past TWO HOURS…wait, make that TWO AND A HALF HOURS I have been battling with the Princess Nagger to get her homework done. All she had to do was read ONE simple story and to a re-tell with stick puppets, which she FINALLY did, then got carried away with the ‘re-tell’ and the stick puppets. All she has left to do is write 6 numbers from a hidden number thing (which numbers are missing between 1-20, which numbers are repeated) which should take her all of 10 seconds to do. Well, OK, maybe 60 seconds – 10 seconds to find the numbers, 50 seconds to actually write them down.
This happens EVERY. DAY. She stalls, gets whiney, tells me I hate her, insists I say ‘please’ when I get to the point of barking “DO your HOMEWORK!” *sigh* We’ve given birth to paternal twins, haven’t we?
She has a meltdown if I tell her she’s going to end up repeating first grade if she doesn’t do her homework. So I don’t do that anymore, because the meltdown draws out the agony (for me) a lot longer.
Is it summer break yet?
Sometimes I worry that I have nothing but mommy fails. My kids act like that about homework at ages 16 and 17. It looks really weird when you’re 17.
I vote “no” on homework in 1st grade. It’s dumb. Maybe a little reading simple stuff with mom, but nothing else. Tell the teacher it’s dumb. That will make her like you, and treat your son with special consideration.
My youngest is 15 and my son is 22; he was the hardest with the homework. I would set the timer for 20 min, at which point he could have a 5 min break, also set by the timer. He knew no TV or games if he didn’t do it. That doesn’t mean it always went well, however. I know what you’re going thru! “We” struggled all the way thru HS, when he would actually have to show me it was done, because he’d often lie and say it was when it wasn’t. Teachers aren’t very sympathetic as these boys get older; let them fail, is their mantra. I don’t think that’s a solution, especially not in HS, when it really counts. He’s in his 2nd year of college now, and I’m sure he’s winging it like crazy. But at least I don’t have to see it. And now he knows if he screws up , I stop paying.
You have my deepest sympathy. After all, you already did first grade, right?? And no way is it a “mommy fail.”
Not a mommy fail. Homework sucks. Always has, always will. Not your fault.
Boy, you sure know my failings so yes, I have failed. I can’t imagine the challenge this would pose…I would threaten the same way you would. Only I wouldn’t do the kindergarten thing because I used to have these dreams that I’d never actually graduated, they took back my diploma and told me I had to go back to school….it was really awful, I’d hate for him to have those dreams too!
Wow, I like Pseudo’s response, I wonder if typing them on the computer would help him? Or make him write it and then let him type it afterward as a reward? I dunno, you know we haven’t hit homework walls here yet so I’ll tell you what works for us in a few years.
Stay strong.
Thanks for dropping by my blog. I am really enjoying this SITS thing! My kids are 5 and 3 and we homeschool for kindergarten so I don’t have the homework thing, but I can imagine..
Our Mommy fails grow us. I am going to be about 300 feet tall before my son (4) starts school. Homework stinks. I can relate to this on so many levels. The trick is finding what works with our kids. Good luck.
I don’t have mommy fails, but I do have aunty fails. My niece will call wanting help with her homework (which is harder to do over the phone), it has gotten to the point (in the sixth grade) that I’m not smart enough to help anymore. Which brings on the 12 years old flailings!
this is kindergarten, so we are only just embarking on homework. but i just strap him in a chair and hold the cattle prod two inches from his eye ball.
no not really.
the same as you – i bribe him with treats or take away the wii or get out the stopwatch to see how fast he can do it! (i bet you can finish that WHOLE page in under 60 seconds!)
As a spec ed teacher, my heart goes out to you. I think Pseudo gave the best advice. Either that, or see if his teacher will keep him in for recess to do his spelling words that he refuses to do at home without a fight. I’m guessing that would fix it. (And it goes without saying, but you are following through on taking away the privileges, right?) Good luck!!!
Oh, no, you’re making me regret all that spelling homework I assigned when I taught second grade! I tried to mix it up every week, though, and assign different sorts of spelling activities so that the kids wouldn’t get bored. I think being a parent now will also help when I go back to teaching some day!
Oh, man, this is what I have to look forward to next year. I just know it. Danny already give me crap about doing his homework which is so easy he could practically do it in his sleep. Yet, still he complains. And the complaining takes way longer than the actual work.
If you figure out a fail proof method to get your kid to cooperate, please share!
P.S. I love that you write fake notes to the teacher. I would totally do something like that, but my son doesn’t get sarcasm. At all.
I’m going to pretend I never read this so I can remain blissfully ignorant about what lies ahead.
Whistling away…backing out door…
I have an award waiting for you over at my place.
Damn this brings back memories. Ughhhh. Yeah, it’s not a great way to spend an evening, that’s for sure. And yes, that’s why it’s sent home to do. Bastards. lol
mommy fails? do i ever. like every single day. good luck w/the homework.
I am *not* looking forward to homework when my boys are older. So draining.
I hate the spelling words. We also have word sorts which is similar but not quite as focused. I am supposed to figure out how to make it work (they have to sort groups of words a different way each day, I am running out of ways to sort). Why do teachers give 1st graders so much homework when it really means mommy has homework?
OK, I’m reading backward, and now you really *have* killed the fun. My preschoolers had homework (obviously, simple) last year and my youngest and I did that dance. This year, some genius decided it was good to skip K homework….I am so dreading 1st grade homework, especially since they are sort of prepped for homework this year and actually ask to do mind-numbing tasks. Joy. I have an old book I used to pass along called “How to do homework without throwing up” Should I send it your way?? GL!